Day 22,….
It was happened last week ,when I found myself to not paying attention what i am doing ,meaning I was backing up my car ( ..i wanted to leave parking lot ) and I was talking to my friend on the phone at the same time .
…,being emotional and not seeing in the rear mirror i did scratch my car ….The first emotion i experience was anger ,but then automatically I want to blame someone ( ..of course not me…) for the things whats happened .
I saw how my mind-meaning me, operated ,just looking for excuses ,not wanted to take responsibility for my action……,even the thought about blaming my friend that she called me ,came up?…so totally ridicules …..
With in this ,I see how I from being sick child all the time in my childhood was excuse a lot (…..she is sick ,..or she is week ..and so on….)and I get used to this response from people I was around .
I see also that I form strong construct in my mind …that whenever I do not want to take responsibility , do not want to stand up ,i develop some kind sickness (like flu or cold….)
And now I want to take writing in self forgiveness process on this points, so there I am…( and for a moment I want to write sentence so there we are …like I do not want to stand alone with in this…)
:
1.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, to form this construct of my mind ,that is okay for me to blame someone ,for the things I am totally responsible .
2.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,just go along thru my life with this attitude of blaming someone for my life ,especially my parents (…and yes,parents are the first teachers or programmers …..,but this is not should be an excuse for me to not standing with self responsibility.)
3.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself ,to make this blame totally automatic behavior and keep up this in my life .
4.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself only concentrating on others ,what they do to me ,and then blame them for it ,not wanted to see that my responsibility is the same an equal.
5.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, not stoping this construct in my mind ,knowing that this behavior wan't change me
,but form this construct even deeper .
6. I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself to be part of the problems and not a solutions.
7.I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself, to look for excuses for me ,especially when something is happening in my life ,for not accepting responsibility for me .
8. I forgive myself to accept and allowed myself still want to play the victim card ,instead stop ,breath ,and see were is the realizations on the points and investigate them farther .
9.I commit myself to stop this blaming game ,to listen the Atlantian interview and investigate more on this points of blaming someone or something.
10.I commit myself to slow down ,to breathe and write more on this subject of BLAME.
11. I commit myself next time ,when I want to blame ….,breathe and stay aware of physical reality .
thank you!!!
